How Reiki saved me (part 1)
If you are interested in how I found Reiki or rather how Reiki found me, read on, otherwise, for a simple exercise that can give you a glimpse to energetic healing, check out part 2 of this blog.
At its core Reiki is a spiritual practice and a healing modality that uses non-invasive hand positions, (with hands either slightly above the body or gently placed on the body) to assist with the clearing of stagnant energy to bring the body back into alignment.
Enter Dark Night of the Soul
When I first found Reiki in 2018, I was experiencing a deep and excruciating Dark Night of the Soul As Ekhart Tolle describes
“It is a term used to describe what one could call a collapse of a perceived meaning in life…an eruption into your life of a deep sense of meaninglessness. The inner state in some cases is very close to what is conventionally called depression. Nothing makes sense anymore, there’s no purpose to anything”
It felt like it lasted forever and now on the other side of it I’m relieved to say it “only” lasted for 6 months. I hid it well on the outside, I showed up to my job and to social engagements with a fictitious “Everything is fine!” look on my face out of the sheer fear that if I allowed my outside to look like my inside I would implode. Now I know what this feeling was, it was depression (or as Ekhart says is “very close to depression”) The “why?” and “how?” and “where?” and “why then?” questions matter and perhaps at another time I’ll share them in more detail. For me the very relevant information that needs sharing is how Reiki found me that year. And how I am ever so grateful that it did.
This feeling started around the holidays in 2017. Initially, I thought it was the “after holidays hangover”, this feeling I couldn’t shake, but as January turned into February, I found no reprieve. No matter the typical tactics that had worked in the past to combat hard days, this time they did not and I began to sense this was something bigger. First I turned to my old and trusted friend, Mediation. I had been meditating since 2005 and at that time had already attended several intensive Vipassana retreats. I was sure that having another meditation sit would “fix” whatever it was that wouldn’t loosen its grip on me. While the Vipassana retreat gave some temporary relief in the moment, it didn’t alleviate this feeling from me like I hoped it would. It was the first time I said to myself, “Why are we all living? What's the point?” I was not suicidal but I thought “What was the purpose behind all of this?” I was so tired and I didn't understand it, why anyone would be fired up to live. I had zero fire inside of me to engage in life the way I used to. It was frightening. Perhaps the most terrifying thing was how it seemed to come out of nowhere. There was no climatic event that created this “pilot light is out” phenomenon. As an eternal optimist, this was especially terrifying as I couldn’t relate by any means to this feeling. I recalled my mother telling me about how depression ran on her own mother’s side of the family and I became very afraid. Was this to be my new normal? I couldn’t get away from it and I remember feeling as though I was physically pulling myself out of bed every morning, as if attached to my own personal and invisible crane for heavy lifting. Simultaneously I had the utmost sympathy for family and friends, acquaintances and anyone I encountered, both past and present, who were grappling with the same thing. I couldn't point to anything in particular. I was in a strong and happy partnership where we communicated lovingly and thoughtfully (if not tirelessly at times) using NVC . I had a fulfilling job working with youth that I enjoyed, I lived, in what my best friend referred to as, “Paradise” (have you ever been to the Monterey Bay?) and had a loving group of friends. Nothing was “wrong”, yet nothing was “right.”
Enter Reiki
After my 3rd Vipassana sit in April 2018 and feeling no lighter, I began to explore the concept of Reiki along with psycho therapy. I attended a couple of therapy sessions which brought mental clarity to my situation, and created an intellectual understanding of what may be going on. And then I attended my Reiki Level 1 class in June 2018. This is where the “aha” moment occurred in my body or rather the first relief I had felt since December. My teacher was incredible, and if you ever have a chance to work with Anna Dorian, I can not recommend her enough. I know that she brought me back from the dark cave I had been surviving in and I am forever grateful to her. While I originally planned to attend Reiki Level 1 with the intention of going on to providing Reiki for others, at that moment I was in no position to do so and the onus became about healing and saving myself.
On an unusually Sunny weekend in early June, my partner and I drove up to San Francisco to attend our Reiki Level 1 class. A group of approximately 30 experienced working together with energy over the course of two days. We practiced on one another, working in pairs, exchanging Reiki as one person lay down on the carpet as the “receiver” and the other person remained above them as the “practitioner” (hovering their hands just slightly or placing them lightly on their body.) We had many opportunities to practice on one another, as well as to receive best practices advice from Anna, along with group mediations and plenty of opportunities for questions and wisdom shared with the group. The weekend was magic and I don’t use that word lightly. It woke something up inside of me and allowed me to realize that I had been working with energy healing since I was a very young child (perhaps more on that in another post 😀) We were introduced to the concept that you are not the one “giving” or “doing” Reiki, but rather you are acting as a hollow bone or reed through which Reiki energy may travel. This is the first step in allowing Reiki to be used for healing the self.
At the end of the 2nd day, we all received a Reiki Level 1 attunement. There are 3 levels of attunement, with Level 1 called “Shoden”. The Shoden level of attunement is open to anyone and this is where you learn to heal yourself. Attunement is a rite of passage, an introduction to opening up your energetic passageways through specific symbols and hand positions by a Reiki Master.
At the end of our 2nd day, all 30 of us received our first set of attunements. I can not put this experience into a perfect verbal description, but I will do my best. Anna invited several Reiki Masters to assist her in providing attunements, as Reiki attunements can only be given by Reiki Masters, someone who has completed Reiki Levels 1-3. As all Level 1 students sat in a circle facing the outside of the circle, the Reiki Masters made their rounds on the inside of the circle. They each took turns stopping behind us and worked with symbols and hand placements that I could not see as I had my eyes closed. They placed their hands on different parts of me and I could feel their touch and sensed the presence of their hands even after they had walked away. The feeling remained. My body felt warm and I had a deep sense of peace and belonging. I knew I was connected to everyone and all living beings around me. That I was not separate, and that there was no point from which I started and ended as I was pure energy and so my flow was integrated with my neighbor and every being and living thing in this world. I had never experienced something so moving and beautiful up to that point in my life and tears ran down my face throughout the ceremony.
Check out part 2 coming soon where I dive into a simple exercise for your own healing ❤️